


The virtue of patience

by nofeartina



Series: Patience [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Derek Has Issues, Friends to Lovers, Hurt Derek, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, POV Derek, Stiles gets better at feelings, blowjob, derek is healing, post-season 3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-09
Updated: 2016-03-29
Packaged: 2018-05-25 17:11:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6203848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nofeartina/pseuds/nofeartina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles isn't afraid of admitting his feelings to Derek, but that doesn't mean that Derek wants to hear it. </p><p>Or the one where Stiles knows that all good things come to those who wait.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo, this took a long time coming. I always start out with an idea and think; this can't be more than a few thousand words, and end up not being able to write anything below 10.000 words. I'm not completely done with this yet, but I can see the word count is going up and up, so I'm guessing this will be up there as well... :)
> 
> I will try to post a chapter a week (keep your fingers crossed). I've never actually tried posting a story while I was still writing it, but I'm thinking that that should actually help in getting me to finish it.
> 
> If you have any triggers, please see the end-notes (I didn't want to spoil the story with tagging everything). 
> 
> The rating will go up eventually, hang in there! And I promise there will be a happy ending down the line...

1:  
The first time Derek notices something, he is just barely standing. Blood is running down his arm, dripping from his fingers to the forest floor. He is out of breath but it hurts to breathe so he tries to take in air in small gulps. Stiles and Scott are standing to his right, Stiles’ eyes locked on Derek’s. He’s not even looking at the goblin that Derek hadn’t managed to disable. The goblin that is still angry and seems like he could attack anything within reach at any given time. Derek can see it in Stiles’ eyes, something intense and meaningful. Instead of saying anything, Stiles just turns around and faces the goblin with a determined look on his face. Derek wants to reach out and stop him. He wants to put himself between Stiles and that fucking goblin, but before he has a chance to do anything, his vision blurs, dots appears and he is falling to the forest floor unconscious.  
______

Derek wakes with a start and is completely disoriented until he realizes he is in his own bed at his loft. Everything smells funny, like goblin and goblin insides and gore, and it tickles his nose and makes him want to sneeze. He cautiously gets out of bed, rolling his shoulders, testing how much he’s healed already and it’s only after he has peeled off an extremely gross t-shirt that he notices the noises coming from the kitchen. When he goes to investigate he finds Stiles and Scott eating breakfast in the kitchen. When they notice him standing in the doorway Stiles’ eyes gets real wide and his jaw slackens. He is looking unabashedly at Derek’s chest, which makes Derek feel completely exposed and extremely self-conscious in a way he hasn’t felt like since he was 15. 

Scott kicks Stiles under the table, and Stiles splutters. “Dude, we totally cooked ourselves breakfast. Hope it’s fine. We kinda needed the energy after dragging your heavy ass home,” he says, smirking at the end. Derek almost can’t breathe, the smell of Stiles’ lust is so overbearing that it is drowning out the smell of bacon. Even Scott looks uncomfortable, and he really isn’t the best at scenting so that is saying a lot. 

Derek just turns around, eager to leave the kitchen and the smell of Stiles’ want and exits with a “’s fine…”

He doesn’t let himself really breathe until he is in the shower, where he most certainly cannot smell Stiles.  
______

Derek is oblivious to many things. He knows this. He can be especially oblivious to the things he doesn’t want to realize. Like the fact that Stiles has somehow inserted himself into his life in a way that makes Derek uncomfortable when he thinks about it. So he doesn’t. Think about it. He’ll be opening the cupboard in the kitchen, reaching for a mug, when he sees the one with the Captain America logo on it, and he’ll just know not to use that one as it surely belongs to Stiles. Or he’ll be reading on his couch when he notices just how much his couch smells like Stiles. And he studiously ignores how much that pleases him. The thing is, Derek shouldn’t notice Stiles. Not like that. Stiles is too young, and Derek knows firsthand how an age gap can bring imbalance into a relationship. Obviously Derek wouldn’t take advantage of Stiles knowingly. But he is afraid of what kind of damage he could do, without realizing it. And then there is the fact that Derek is a complete disaster when it comes to relationships. Everything he touches turns to ash. He doesn’t really want to be, but he is much too trusting. Still, after everything that has happened he let himself fall for Jennifer. And after that disaster he has decided not to bother anymore. Clearly, his own emotions and desires cannot be trusted. And even though he is quite sure that Stiles won’t take advantage of him, he still can’t let himself open up like that. He has a very hard time envisioning himself be that vulnerable again for anyone. Especially during sex. He’s never been much of a one-night stand kind of guy, every time he has done it, trying to fill out the hole inside of him, he ends up just feeling even more hollow. So no casual sex either for him. Mostly he has made peace with this. Or at least that’s what he tells himself when he has his hand around his dick and the imagery in his head of Stiles on his knees in front of him with Derek’s dick in his mouth. He is fine. No, he really is.  
_____ 

So he does what he does best. He ignores the shit out of all the clues Stiles leaves behind. And generally does his best to avoid Stiles as much as possible. The problem is that Stiles generally isn’t the kind of person who is easily ignored. Basically, Stiles is a little shit, who seems to instinctively know when he isn’t wanted, and then he just goes ahead and studiously ignores that. So the more Derek tries to avoid Stiles, the more Stiles inserts himself into Derek’s life and loft, and simply stink the place up. Derek is in over his head, he just doesn’t know what to do about it. And that makes him uncomfortable.  
______

Derek’s head is swimming with the scent of blood to the point where he has a hard time controlling himself. He is constantly clenching and unclenching his fists, rolling his shoulders trying to relieve the tension. He is surrounded by pack in Deaton’s office, but Stiles is the one who is bleeding. He is looking exhausted and smells so wrong, of pain and panic and adrenaline, but he keeps saying that he is fine. And that just pisses Derek off to the point where he wants to smash something.

Somehow he finds himself the last one to leave with Stiles. He doesn’t quite realize how it became his job to drive Stiles home, but when he sees the way Stiles gingerly holds on to his arm when he lowers himself inside the car Derek chooses not to say anything about it. 

There’s a tense silence in the car. It’s not awkward, or remotely comfortable, as their silences has become of late. Derek really wants to yell at Stiles for being so stupid and always put himself at risk, but he knows that is not his place. So he keeps quiet. 

When they get to Stiles house Stiles doesn’t make any moves to get out of the car. Derek just lets him sit there, doesn’t quite know what to say to him. 

“You make me feel like I should be apologizing,” is what Stiles eventually says. He’s looking at Derek. Like he’s worried how that sentence will make Derek react. Derek just clenches his teeth. 

After a long stretched out moment of silence Stiles finally sighs and tries to get out of the car. He winces in pain long before his hand has reached the handle of the door, and that has Derek moving. He gets out of the car and before he is realizing what he is doing he is carefully helping Stiles out. Stiles leans heavily on him and Derek cannot have that so he deposits him against the side of the car. Stiles stands there just looking at Derek like he wants to say something.

Finally Stiles settles on; “Is that what you want? Do you want me to say I’m sorry to you?” 

Derek finally looks at him. His eyes roaming his face, seeing the bags under his eyes, that makes him wonder how long it has been since Stiles got a good nights sleep. “No.”

Stiles smiles that half smile he has, not quite a smirk, but not really a smile neither. “No?” he says.

Derek has to look away. “Stop getting yourself hurt, Stiles.” 

“Is this you caring about me?” Stiles says, looking at him from under his lashes. 

Derek can feel his heart rate spike. He doesn’t want to be affected by this, he really doesn’t. So he just looks off to the side, pretending that the last sentence isn’t hanging between them.

Stiles cautiously takes a step towards Derek. And then another. Slowly, like he is afraid of scaring him. Which is stupid, why should Derek be afraid of him. But suddenly Stiles is standing so close to him, that Derek can almost taste him, and before Derek can think of a way to push Stiles away, Stiles leans forward and kisses him. 

Derek can feel Stiles relax into the kiss. Stiles makes this sound in the back of his throat that makes Derek _want _. But Derek doesn’t kiss back. He is stiff as a board, with open eyes studying the lashes of Stiles’ closed eyes. He wants to push Stiles away, wants to stop the kiss but he can feel his body shutting down. He can do nothing but just stand there and let Stiles kiss him. Hoping for it to end.__

Finally Stiles seems to realize that Derek is not kissing back. He opens his eyes and slowly leans away from Derek. Derek shouldn’t think that he looks adorable like that, blinking with his lips still slightly pursed. Stiles takes a step back and looks down at the ground. He takes a deep breath and suddenly the air between them is flooded with the smell of humiliation. Derek wants to reach for him, wants to let him know it’s okay, but he can’t. His body still won’t move. So he just stands there and looks at Stiles. Looks at the blush that is spreading from Stiles’ cheeks down his neck.

“I’m sorry…” Stiles says and finally looks at him, “I thought you wanted this as well.” He looks at Derek like Derek holds all the answers. He probably does, but Derek still can’t make himself move, let alone talk.

Never one for long pauses, Stiles keeps on talking; “Dude, you gotta know how I feel about you…” he says and makes an elaborate hand movement that seems to encompass the air around them, “I can’t even imagine how I stink up the place every time I’m around you.” 

Derek finally finds his voice; “I do.” is what comes out.

Stiles rubs his neck with his hand like he’s still embarrassed, but his eyes never leaves Derek’s. “You do what?” he asks obnoxiously, “you do want it or you do realize it?”

Derek doesn’t really have an answer to that. Probably both, but he can’t really say that to Stiles. Derek’s silence seems to set something off in Stiles. He grins and the air is once again flooded with chemo signals, only this time Derek smells determination and relief. “Dude, I’m gonna make you want it so bad. The next time I kiss you, you can’t help but kiss me back.” He huffs a laugh at that, winks at Derek and finally slowly, gingerly walks towards his house. 

Derek keeps standing still, his entire body tense and poised for a fight. His fist clenched. He doesn’t turn around to see Stiles entering the house, but he can hear it. He knows he should get into the car and drive home, but he still can’t move. He takes a deep breath, and another, and another. Slowly he seems to get his movements back and finally he can climb back into his car. 

He somehow manages to drive himself home, but keeps sitting in the darkness of the car after he shuts it off. He doesn’t really know why he is reacting so hard to this. Why now, why not with Jennifer. Why this stupid kid who doesn’t quite realize what he’s doing. 

Derek leans forward and rests his forehead against the steering wheel when the first tears fall. He stays in the car for a very long time that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stiles kisses Derek without reciprocation, and it makes Derek break down.


	2. Chapter 2

After that, Derek almost feels like he’s hit by a freight train. He’s still trying to figure out what the hell his reaction to Stiles’ kiss meant, and his head is _spinning_ , but Stiles doesn’t seem to realize this. He starts bringing Derek gifts. Stupid stuff, like the kid googled “how to woo”, so his fridge suddenly contains nice steaks, and he has chocolate he doesn’t really know what to do with.

His phone is suddenly very busy, with Stiles texting 30 times an hour. Derek doesn’t really do texting. Finds it annoying when Stiles writes u instead of you, and ends up just not reading texts anymore. He has tried to tell Stiles not to gift him anymore, but Stiles just won’t listen. It is making Derek uncomfortable and he just doesn’t know how to stop him.

A couple of weeks later Stiles comes by. Derek opens the door for him and finds himself wanting to just close the door and pretend Stiles isn’t standing there, because he is and he is holding out flowers like a weapon in front of him.

Stiles smiles and says, “For you!” And he’s obviously so goddamn proud of himself even though Derek doesn’t even want the damn flowers.

Before Derek can come up with a way that will make Stiles leave, Stiles somehow worms himself in between Derek and the door while muttering, “Jesus, you could at least act grateful that I came with these…” And he actually has the audacity to look offended. Derek is _seething_ at this point.

“Get out,” he says. His voice is even. It’s not a demand, it is a statement. His entire body is tense and he can feel his hackles rising.

Unfortunately, Stiles jus soldiers on. “So… Is it working yet?” he says and spins around to look at Derek still with the flowers in his hand. He looks hopeful and is even smiling a bit.

“Get out!” Derek tries again.

“Oh come on, dude. At least tell me you are getting a little closer to wanting me to kiss you.” Stiles is smirking.

Derek wants to throw a tantrum. He wants to throw his hands up in the air, roll his eyes and scream at Stiles. But he cannot. He just stands there with clenched fists and tries patiently to say get out again. Stiles still ignores him. Derek isn’t quite sure how to deal with this. He’s not used to being ignored when he’s looking threatening, and he’s pretty sure he’s scowling like there’s no tomorrow.

“Stiles. Listen to me. I don’t want this. I don’t want you here. Get out.” Derek goes for the direct approach.

Stiles blinks a couple of times. Looks confused. And Derek just wants to scream out his frustration. He wants to tell him how much this isn’t working, how it’s never going to work. And suddenly it hits him, why he has been reacting so strongly to Stiles’ advances. He suddenly just _knows_. That this is exactly how he’s been treated before. Like he really doesn’t matter. That he’s just a pretty face and a nice body to be used. He’s told himself time and time again that he’s never, _never_ , going to let himself be treated like this again.

Derek feels the anger drain out of him. He’s filled with a determination that makes him stand up straight. He looks Stiles dead in the eyes, hopes to convince him with the intensity of his resolve, and says, “No. This is me saying no. Please respect that,” and he doesn’t say how he’s used to not being listened to, especially when he says no. How he’s used to people just taking from him, even if he doesn’t want to give. He just really, really hopes that Stiles will understand this time.

Stiles is quiet for a long time. His eyes are flickering between Derek’s eyes, his entire demeanor relaying his confusion. Derek lets Stiles be silent. He keeps up the eye contact, keeps trying to convey his resolve. And slowly, he can see the realization hit Stiles.

It starts with a flush of color in his cheeks. Stiles opens his mouth and inhales like he wants to say something, but nothing comes out. Suddenly all the color drains from him and he turns white instead. His breaths become shorter and shorter and he’s panting and his heart is pounding frantically in his chest. His eyes are big, just looking at Derek and Derek doesn’t see pity in them. He sees panic. And that’s when Derek realizes that Stiles is having a panic attack. He reaches for him, but Stiles takes a step away from him and wheezes out between breaths, “Don’t… I can’t believe I treated you like that. I’m no better than _her_. Than them.”

And Derek stops reaching for him. He stops breathing. His arms just hanging by his sides. Stiles’ words filling up his head, filling up his world. How can Stiles possibly know?

Stiles kneels on the floor, his eyes closed, counting backwards from 100 like a chant, but pauses to add, almost like an afterthought, quietly, like he knows it’s not something you say loudly, “Almost like I raped you all over again.”

He’s not even looking at Derek as he says it. But Derek feels his world tumbling down around him. He’s never said the word. Never voiced what happened to him. And to hear it spoken like that, makes him feel raw and transparent.

He doesn’t wait around for Stiles to start breathing again. He doesn’t wait for the inevitable breakdown. He just turns around and leaves. Doesn’t take his keys or his jacket. Doesn’t even put on shoes. Doesn’t close the door behind him.

Just leaves.

______

Derek can’t believe how wrong he was. He was so afraid that he was going to hurt Stiles that it didn’t occur to him that maybe he was protecting himself this whole time. Like maybe if he didn’t get involved with anyone in anyway maybe he would not be put in a position like that again.

He’s sitting on a rock in the preserve. His knees under his chin, taking up as small a space as possible, looking out on an amazing view that he’s not really taking in. His mind keeps churning. He can’t think about nothing else but Stiles’ last words. Is that really what happened? With Kate, with Jennifer. With countless others who never respected his no’s. He knows he’s a big guy. He knows that when people look at him they tend to see the stereotype. And maybe in some ways he has bought into that himself. Let himself believe that he could not be hurt like that. Especially by women.

_____

Derek lets the sun set on him. He doesn’t feel the cold from the night or listen to the sounds of the preserve around him. He is stuck in his own head.

But at some point he stands up, lets himself feel how stiff his body is from sitting still so long. And then he finally heads home.  

He doesn’t expect Stiles to still be there when he gets home. The loft stinks of panic and grief to the point where Derek finds it hard to breathe. But Stiles is sitting on the couch, stiff as a board and he is looking at Derek with big eyes.

“I just wanted to make sure you were all right,” he says and slowly gets up from the couch. Derek doesn’t respond. Is not sure what he is supposed to say to that.

Stiles looks awkward, he is rubbing his neck and slowly sliding towards the door. Carefully keeping his distance to Derek. “I’m glad that you have. I’ll just leave you to it then…” he says, and looks like he’s waiting for Derek to say something. But Derek just keeps quiet.

Stiles leaves with an awkward smile and a nod.

It is not until Derek can’t hear his heartbeat anymore that he moves. He opens up a window and airs the panic out so he can breathe again. And then he burrows into his bed and falls into a deep slumber immediately.

_____

After that things change. Derek spends a long time in his head, figuring out what to call himself and define what happened to him. He’s always believed that what happened was his fault, but Stiles calling it _rape_ has made him wonder that maybe it wasn’t all him.

Stiles has stopped his wooing. No more presents and no more surprise visits. He obviously tries his best not to send out too many chemo signals and he’s even stopped touching Derek. And it’s not until this happens that Derek even realizes how much Stiles must have touched him before, little nudges with his elbow or a clap on the shoulder when they meet. Now Derek feels its absence. And he’s hard pressed to admit how much he misses it. Nobody else really touches him anymore. He doesn’t even know how long it’s been since he’s had a hug. Which makes him realize just how touch-deprived he really is. He grew up in a family where hugs and touch were given freely, even when it was just Laura and him.

Even the pack seems to know something is off, so they let him be. He is still invited to meetings, but they seem to not expect him to contribute. Which is probably for the best, as Derek just doesn’t seem to have anything worth contributing with. He’s left on the sideline, and for once that is a place that suits him well at the moment.

_______

Derek jumps onto the window sill outside of Stiles’ room. He spends a few moments looking at Stiles typing away at his computer through the window before he gently taps on it. If Stiles is surprised by his presence outside the window he doesn’t show it. Instead his face lights up in a smile when he realizes that it’s Derek. Stiles opens the window and steps aside, leaving plenty of room for Derek to enter without having to touch him.

Derek doesn’t really have a good reason to be there. He’s not sure what he’s supposed to say when Stiles asks, but to his surprise Stiles doesn’t. He just sits down by the computer again and casually says, “I have to finish this piece of shit essay first, give me 5 minutes…” Derek dares a look at him, and it seems he is already lost in his work.

Derek takes the time to look through Stiles’ stuff. He gently touches the books on Stiles’ bookcase and reads the titles silently to himself. He can’t help but smile when he notices the small Star Wars-figurines lined up on one of the shelves. Everything in here smells used and homey in a way that pulls on Derek’s heartstring. He remembers a time when his own room smelled similar.

After some time Stiles turns to him with a flourish and Derek can’t look at him when Stiles’ full attention is turned towards him. He keeps on browsing through Stiles’ room, trying to find the courage to ask Stiles the questions he’s been dying to ask him. Thankfully Stiles keeps quiet and gives him time to find his words.

Coming back to the bookcase again, Derek pulls out one of the books to peruse while he says, “Do you really think that that was what happened to me?” His voice is quiet. He hopes Stiles can hear him anyway, he doesn’t really think he has it in him to ask again.

“Absolutely,” Stiles says without pause, “but it doesn’t really matter what I think, Derek. What do you think happened?”

Derek risks a glance in Stiles’ direction to make sure that he isn’t pitied, but he has to look away when all he sees in Stiles’ eyes are sincerity.

He swallows and shrugs. To give himself time to think he puts the book back and pulls out another. He needs to give his hands and eyes something to do to get through this. “To be honest, I’m not really sure…” he finally says.

Stiles keeps quiet, giving Derek room to speak and Derek almost wishes that he wouldn’t. It’s so hard giving voice to the chaos in his head.

Derek takes a deep breath and says, “It’s been a long time now. I almost don’t remember it.” He still can’t look at Stiles, focuses on the book without even knowing what book it is. “I do remember not wanting to say no though,” he says, and is pretty sure that that seals the deal.

Stiles shrugs, “You were what? 15? 16? By definition of the law what she did to you was rape, Derek.” That makes Derek finally look at Stiles, who continues, “She was your senior by several years. She would know how to manipulate you to make you want it.” Stiles is uncharacteristically calm as he continues, “Did you even know what you were saying yes to at the time?”

And no, Derek didn’t know. At the time he couldn’t believe his luck that he was able to score with someone hot and older like her. He had just begun to grow into his body and was becoming more popular at school with the girls. The first time they had been together he had been so overwhelmed with the feeling that it had moved too fast. But he knew as a guy that sex was what he was supposed to want for, so he had brushed those feelings aside.

“Look Derek, I don’t really care what you want to call it. Bottom line is you were used, by Kate and by Jennifer. And I honestly don’t know how many others, but with your track record, and the way you look, I can imagine that they were probably not the only ones,” Stiles stands up and moves a few steps closer to Derek but keeps his body-language open and non-threatening. “You have the right to not want that to happen to you again.”

And the thing is, Stiles sounds so fucking sincere. And what he’s saying makes perfect sense. But years and years of shame and grief takes its toll, making it very hard for Derek to hear it, let alone believe it.

“ _You_ are worth more than that, Derek,” Stiles says and moves even closer to Derek. He looks like he wants to touch Derek and Derek can’t decide if he wants to be touched or not. His skin feels tight, like he’s suddenly too big for it. And he sort of wants to sit down and cry, or run away as fast as he can. Instead he’s rooted to the spot, looking at Stiles with wide eyes, desperately searching for something, _anything_ , he can say to this.

The silence hangs between them. Stretches out, but doesn’t become awkward. For the life of him Derek doesn’t know if 5 minutes or 5 hours has passed, and he can’t remember the last time Stiles was so quiet. In the end he finds he has nothing to say. He simply nods and leaves by the window again. The feeling of support that Stiles’ words have instilled in him gets him through the rest of the day with a bounce in his step.

____

Time passes. And as it does Derek can feel something settle in him. He knows he is changing, becoming softer around the edges. And he finds himself kind off enjoying this new side of him. The way the pack treats him changes subtlety as well. He finds himself being included in activities more often. And his phone now dings every once in a while with a text or a message from one of them, and not just Stiles.

His loft is slowly being filled with knickknacks and plants, and sometimes things are left behind which Derek not so secretly enjoys as it makes the otherwise barren loft look used and lived in. It makes him feel less alone when he finds a hoodie casually thrown over the back of the couch; like it belongs there (nobody seems to use the coat rack that he put up by the door).

He even finds himself smiling more, and sometimes he can feel Stiles’ eyes linger on him and he knows that Stiles’ feelings haven’t changed but that he’s respecting Derek’s no. And that alone almost makes him want to change his mind.

They celebrate Stiles’ 18th birthday with a big party and Derek knows that most of the pack are waiting for him to make his move now. Like Stiles’ age alone was holding him back. He doesn’t want to yet, not until he can really mean it, not until he’s more healed and can give Stiles all he wants to give him.

But later that night Derek finds himself retreating to the porch to get a moment of peace. He is sitting on the steps looking out into the dark backyard when he hears the backdoor open and close behind him. From the sounds alone he knows it’s Stiles so he doesn’t turn around. Just keeps sitting still looking out over the yard. From the corner of his eyes he can sense Stiles sitting down next to him cradling a beer between his hands.

“Are you enjoying yourself?” Stiles asks with a smile in his voice. He seems to be a bit tipsy, but not drunk. At the stage where he gets all smiley and happy. This stage Derek loves.

“Sure,” Derek says, “are you?”

Stiles laughs and nods vigorously, “Yeah, man, this is perfect! I can’t believe I’m 18 now.” And Derek knows that he’s thinking about how it seemed at times like he never would make it this far. Derek returns his smile and lets the silence settle between them.

It doesn’t take long before Stiles is fidgeting and it’s clear that he has something to say.  Derek kind of knows what’s going to be said, but doesn’t mind hearing it, so he keeps quiet.

“I don’t want to step on any lines but I just want you to know that it’s still on the table,” Stiles finally settles on and catches Derek’s eyes when he turns his head to look at him, “I’m still on the table,” Stiles continues.

Derek nods and says with a small smile, “You’re not stepping on any lines by saying that.”

Stiles smiles that big smile Derek is particularly fond of. “Just to make this perfectly clear, I’m still head over heels for you.” This makes Derek sit perfectly still. “I just wanted you to know that for me nothing has changed, and when you’re ready, I think we would be so good together.”

Derek is stunned to silence. It’s one thing sort of knowing that Stiles has feeling for him, but to hear it spoken out loud like this is making his heart beat faster. He wishes he could say it back, he knows that his feelings for Stiles hasn’t changed either.

Stiles claps Derek on the thigh and stands up. He takes a step up the stairs but then pauses to say, “I don’t expect anything from you today just because it’s my birthday. But when you’re ready I’ll be here, waiting for you.” And without waiting for an answer, he returns inside to his party.

Derek sits on the porch steps for a long time after that. And he doesn’t even try to fight the smile that breaks out after Stiles’ words really sink in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stiles doesn't listen when Derek tells him to stop.
> 
> Stiles has a panic attack (not graphic though).


	3. Chapter 3

Next thing Derek knows most of the pack are graduating. It’s a joyous occasion, which Derek attends and he sits beside Melissa and the sheriff, clapping as they walk on stage. He knows that things are going to change now in a big way as most of them are off to college. But he knows that for him Beacon Hills is his home and that he will be here waiting for them when they are done.

The summer is spent together most of the time. When they are not at work or whatever else they have planned, the pack is together, playing in the preserve or lounging by the pool at Lydia’s. Derek is soaking up this feeling of family and belonging, and thrives on it. He’s getting closer and closer to Stiles every day and sometimes when they are sitting next to each other on the pool chairs watching the others swim around, it’s so hard for him not to just reach across and touch Stiles. His fingers are itching to do so. But he questions the timing of it. Isn’t it foolish to start something now when Stiles is on the verge of beginning something new? Shouldn’t he be able to have the entire college experience? So he holds back.

Eventually the day comes where Stiles has packed his jeep full of his belongings and is ready to drive off to college. He is only two hours away, and Derek knows that the sheriff is relieved by this. And maybe Derek is a little bit himself.

Derek is there to show him off. Stiles says his goodbyes to everybody, but leaves Derek for last. When it’s finally his turn they stand opposite each other and it’s obvious that Stiles wants to hug him but is afraid to. Derek takes a deep breath and finds the courage to take a step forward and slowly wraps his arms around Stiles. He pretends he doesn’t hear the small sigh that leaves Stiles at the contact and just lets himself soak in the feeling of being touched as Stiles hugs him back. He buries his nose in the junction where Stiles’ neck meets his shoulder and takes a deep breath. He knows that the hug lasts too long, but it’s a dizzying feeling to be held like that when he hasn’t been touched in a really long time. In the end it’s Derek that slowly extricates himself from Stiles arms, albeit reluctantly, and takes a step back. Derek has his hands on Stiles waist and Stiles has his on Derek’s shoulders. They are still very close and almost at the same height so Derek doesn’t have to look up or down as he looks into Stiles’ eyes.

Stiles swallows and says quietly, “This isn’t goodbye, okay?” And Derek just nods. He knows. And hopes that Stiles really means it.

He’s left behind with the others as Stiles drives off. Thankfully nobody says anything about the too long hug, but both Melissa and the sheriff claps him on the shoulder and give him a smile as they leave. Scott looks at him with a fond smile and proceeds to keep him company for the rest of the day. Like he knows Derek shouldn’t be alone right now. Which he probably does, he has really grown as an alpha.

_____

Stiles is surprisingly good at keeping in touch with him. He texts and calls on regularly basis. Derek almost suspects he has a schedule somewhere of when to call and when to text. But Derek enjoys it. Finds himself preening over the attention. He likes knowing what classes are the favorites and what professors are tolerable.

He laughs at the description of the other students and is quiet when Stiles is stressed and talks too much.

And one day it’s Stiles turn to be quiet. Out of experience Derek holds his tongue, knows this means that he has something to say. “So I went out on a date yesterday…” Stiles says quietly, reluctantly through the phone.

Derek doesn’t know how to react to that. He doesn’t really expect Stiles not to date or experiment. He knows that Stiles won’t sit home and do nothing for the next 4 years. But while Derek processes this and tries to figure out what to tell him, Stiles can’t keep quiet, “I know I said I would wait, and I still will. Say the word and I will drop it. I can understand if you don’t want me dating, and I kinda feel like I’m cheating on you in some weird roundabout way…”

And this is where Derek disrupts him, “You’re not cheating on me.” The line grows quiet after that. Derek really wants to be clear about this, so he takes a deep breath to sort out his thoughts, grateful that Stiles gives him a chance to speak, “I never expected you not to date. I’m older than you, and have probably tried more than you. So I would imagine that you would want to experiment. And that’s okay. That’s okay with me.”

He can hear Stiles letting out the breath he’s been holding back through the phone, and when he says, “It’s okay with you?” he sounds hurt and dejected.

A knot forms in Derek stomach, he hates that he has to solve this with words, “That doesn’t mean that I don’t care. That I won’t care. Actually, I would really prefer not to know what you do, and who you do.” At this Stiles snorts. “But I don’t know when I’ll be ready. I don’t expect you to be celibate while I try to figure myself out, Stiles.” And Derek is exhausted from speaking this much.

“When..?” is Stiles response. He sounds hopeful, happy. “You said when you are ready. Not if…”

And Derek can’t help but smile. “Yes, when, Stiles,” Derek says, and he knows that Stiles can hear the smile in his voice, like he can hear Stiles’.

_______

That talk doesn’t really change things between them. Stiles still calls and they talk. But Stiles doesn’t hint at his feeling that much anymore. And that actually gives Derek the space he needs. Stiles doesn’t talk about his dates or hook-ups, but Derek sometimes overhears the other talk about him and knows that he is fooling around. And while Derek doesn’t feel _happy_ about it, and maybe even feels a bit jealous, he doesn’t feel cheated or angry. He knows that he just isn’t in a place to give himself like that to Stiles.

But he does take his evolution seriously. Derek recognizes that he should probably see a therapist. He just doesn’t know any that he can talk to about the supernatural things, and he doesn’t know how to talk about what happened to him without disclosing that side of it. What he does do is sign on for an online course in applied physiology, eager to know more about why he reacts as he does. He spends time with the pack, he takes an evening class in everyday cooking and he’s even started a part-time job working in a warehouse. It’s hard work but he enjoys using his body. He spends too much time in his head as it is. He keeps himself busy, and can feel himself healing bit by bit.

One night he has been convinced to go out with some of his co-workers from the warehouse. They are at a bar and he is sitting nursing a beer. He is actually enjoying himself, until one of the guys leans into him and says, “Dude, that girl is totally into you,” and nods in the direction of a group of women sitting at one of the tables at the bar.

It’s immediately very clear that the woman in that was pointed out is indeed trying to get in contact with Derek. As he looks at her she smiles at him and her eyes eats him up. Derek can feel himself heat up, waiting for the inevitable break down he knows he is going to have. He tries to take a few deep breaths in anticipation, but nothing happens. He looks away from her and tries to hide his complete surprise at how unreactive his body is. He leaves quickly after that, not really wanting to push his luck.

After that night he starts looking for it. He notices the girl at the supermarket giving him an once-over as he passes her with his cart shopping for the risotto-rice he needs for the next night. And it doesn’t make him pause. He notices the smell of want drifting by him as he pumps gas into his car and when he looks towards the source he sees a tired woman with a car full of kids. And the thing is as she smiles at him, not really giving him any indications but smell that she is interested, he finds himself smiling back instead of blanching away from the attention. He notices the smell and the words softly spoken as he is lifting a heavy load of dogfood at work. He can see from the corner of his eyes that two of his co-workers are looking admiringly at him, and instead of feeling sorry that he only wore the thin t-shirt to work today, he lets them look and continues doing his job unaffected. And as he sets the dogfood in its place and leaves to do whatever comes next, he can’t help but smile. He knows that this is major progress, and he is immensely proud of himself.

__________

A couple of weeks later he is on the phone with Stiles when he hesitantly asks, “Are you planning on coming home soon?” Derek bites his tongue waiting for the answer. Stiles starts on a rant on how exhausting the course-work is and how doomed he is with the impending exams. Derek aren’t really paying attention, waiting for Stiles to realize the question.

Stiles suddenly stops mid-rant and says, “Wait. Why are you asking?”

Derek takes a breath, he has rehearsed this in his head several times, but he still quite doesn’t know how to come out and just say it. Instead he says, “Yesterday, I was at my cooking class. I was paired up with Emma, you know, the one with the hair?” And Stiles knows and hmms appropriately. Derek continues; “I know she is interested. And yesterday she touched me repeatedly.” He pauses here, because he knows that Stiles knows what those touches normally do to him. Stiles hmms again, waiting for Derek to continue. “And nothing happened,” he continues lamely. Waits for Stiles to realize the unsaid _she didn’t make me break down, I didn’t shove her away, she didn’t make me want to curl up into a ball and disappear_.

But Stiles seems to hear it even though Derek doesn’t say it out loud. “Derek…” he breathes, sounding excited and nervous at the same time.

Derek smiles and he knows that Stiles can hear it through the phone. He can guess what is going on in Stiles’ head, it’s like he can almost hear the wheels turning.

Stiles says, “Derek, I’ll be done with my exams in a month. Then I’ll be home for the summer.” He sounds breathless and Derek is sure that if he could see him Stiles would be flushed. What Derek wouldn’t give to be able to touch those red cheeks right now.

Derek clears his throat and deliberately says, “I’ll wait for you.” And he almost laughs out loud as he hears the strangled sound that comes out of Stiles instead of a reply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun Dun Dun...  
> So things are looking up for Derek (and Stiles...)! :)  
> Chapter 4 is written and it totally killed me with feels and smut. It will be up in a weeks time, and then the rating will go up! :D


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter! Enjoy!! :D

So. A month.

Derek wishes he could say that the month goes by quickly. That his life is so full of _meaningful_ things that before he knew it Stiles was standing in front of him.

That isn’t what happens.

Derek spends the month in _agony_. He is alternately either completely elated or on the cusp of a freaking panic attack. He’s constantly horny, like his body has finally realized that the draught might be over, and that it’s allowed to feel the attraction to Stiles. He finds himself staring into space, having elaborate fantasies about how Stiles’ lips will feel or how Stiles’ fingers will feel inside of him, and holy shit that thought alone makes him flush and gets him to chub up in seconds.

Derek has always been fluid with genders. He’s even been with a couple of guys. Never bottomed, never progressed past hurried hand jobs. He was interested, but just didn’t know how to relax enough to have his dick sucked or even to let himself be vulnerable enough to go down on another guy. The thought of him on his knees in front of a random guy makes the hair on the back of his neck stand up.

But Stiles is safe. Derek can vividly envision himself doing all those things with Stiles. He has even begun experimenting with how many fingers he can get up his ass, just to see how he likes it. And he does. He really, really does. Didn’t know it could feel like that, and as good as his own fingers feel, the thought of Stiles doing that to him gets him to the brink of coming every time.

_____

A couple of days before Stiles comes home he calls Derek. Derek is a mess at this point. He’s so eager to see Stiles that he almost contemplates not taking the call.

Instead of “Hello”, Stiles starts the conversation with, “I want to go out to dinner with you when I get back.”

Derek blinks a couple of times before he can reply to that. “Like a date?”

“Not like. As a date. I want to do this right. I want to take you out and show you a good time,” Stiles says.

Derek can feel his cheeks turn red and he finds himself looking down and smiling softly. “You don’t have to do that, you know?”

And Stiles gets this very serious tone to his voice as he says, “Let me do this right, Derek.”

“Okay…” is his clever response. And he’s more flushed than he’s ever been in his life.

____

The day finally arrives. Stiles has been texting him updates throughout the day, and Derek has responded with one syllable words. He’s almost vibrating with energy, and it seems the closer Stiles gets to him the more restless he becomes.

By the time the doorbell rings, he has been on two runs, gone through his work-out regime three times, showered and changed clothes at least two times, and he’s still antsy. He quickly looks down at himself, assessing the outfit he finally chose and even though he at this minute would rather change it, what’s with the shirt, _come on_ , he doesn’t. It’s too late now. So he takes the few steps to the door, and reluctantly and eagerly opens it.

He’s met with the smell first. He takes a deep breath, inhaling the smell of home and exhaustion and _Stiles_ , and then he is met with the sight of him. He looks tired, but happy. And as their eyes meet Derek can’t help but smile.

Stiles starts to talk as he enters the loft, “I came as fast as I could. I just dropped the bags off at home, so I could come pick you up.”

Derek closes the door behind him, but keeps his body turned towards Stiles. He hasn’t said anything yet, is too overwhelmed with having Stiles so close. He can’t believe he’s finally able to touch, and he wants to more than anything.

He stalks towards Stiles, quietly and stealthy, so when Stiles turns around he is only a couple of feet from him. Stiles makes a terrific o-face in surprise of how near Derek is that goes straight to Derek’s groin, and it simply isn’t possible for him to wait any longer. Stiles takes a step back as Derek progresses and Derek follows until Stiles is pressed into the wall. Derek stops as he gets up close to Stiles, so close they can barely see each other. He can feel the heat of Stiles through his clothes and he can feel Stiles’ breath against his lips. All he can see is those lips, he desperately wants to kiss them, but as Stiles licks them nervously he looks up to make sure that he is not overstepping. Stiles looks anything but frightened. He smells deliciously of surprise, relief and _want_ , and it’s so overwhelming that Derek almost wants to take a bite. Instead Derek leans forward, fast and sure, and kisses him.

The kiss is unlike anything he has ever experienced. He blankets Stiles with his body, almost as if he wants to overwhelm him with touch, like Derek is overwhelmed. He grabs Stiles’ side and sinks into him, not even conscious of where he is touching him, just that he is. And the sounds that come out of Stiles are so encouraging that Derek deepens the kiss with his tongue.

When Derek finally pulls back he is out of breath, panting in a way he almost never does, and he feels dazed. Stiles chases him with his lips with his eyes still closed, pouting like Derek is still kissing him. He has grabbed hold of Derek’s shirt with both fists, and he is panting as well.

Derek feels like his skin is too small, everything is tingling, he is definitely hard, but he doesn’t know where to go from here. What to _do_ from here. Stiles senses his hesitation and opens his eyes. He leans his head back into the wall to get enough distance between their faces to see Derek’s. He gives Derek an out by saying, “Do you want to go to dinner instead..?”

Derek shakes his head, eyes locked on Stiles. He knows what he wants, he just doesn’t know how to get it.

Stiles’ scent spikes, turns spicy, and he slowly lets go of Derek’s shirt. “What do you want then, Derek?” he says and his voice is rough and low. It does _things_ to Derek’s insides.

Derek can’t speak. He wants it all, he wants to do _everything_. Something must show on his face because Stiles just takes his hand and pulls him behind him towards Derek’s bedroom.   

When they get there Stiles turns to him. He starts to shed his clothes, looking at Derek the whole time, and Derek’s sure that he’s not even trying to make it sexy, it just is. Derek doesn’t know where to look as all that skin is revealed to him. Stiles pauses as he’s left in only his boxers and then he takes a step towards Derek. Derek could touch him now, he is well within reach, but he doesn’t know what to do with his hands. He feels awkward and finds himself thinking what people normally do with their hands in these kinds of situations.

Stiles puts his hands on Derek’s shoulders, completely ignoring how anxious Derek must look. He’s so close and Derek acutely feels his eyes and hands on him. Like there’s room for nothing else in Derek’s world in this moment.

“Say no at any time, and I’ll stop,” Stiles says as his hands slides down Derek’s arms to grasp his hands. Derek grabs onto Stiles’ hands, grateful for the grounding touch, and nods.

Stiles steps closer to him, so close that Derek can feel him through his shirt, and Stiles starts to unbutton it slowly. It’s utterly sensual and overwhelming to feel Stiles’ fingers popping his buttons and sliding lower and lower as he progresses. It makes goosebumps break out all over Derek’s skin and he’s already breathing harder. 

 Stiles slides the shirt off his shoulders and Derek is hyper-aware as the fabric glides down his body. He begins exploring Derek with his hands, constantly moving, always touching. Derek has to close his eyes and marvel in the feeling of being touched. It feels so _good_ to have Stiles’ fingers gently caressing his shoulders, running his fingers through the hair at his nape.

“How long has it been? Stiles says quietly, breaking the silence.

Derek exhales and says, “A very long time…” He’s aware that that has been the first words out of his mouth since Stiles arrived and he opens his eyes to see the smile on Stiles’ face.

“I just want to touch you everywhere,” Stiles whispers as he leans into Derek, brushing his lips along Derek’s collarbone.

“God, yes,” Derek breathes, “I want you to touch me everywhere.”

At this Stiles looks up at him and looks so genuinely happy that Derek’s heart starts racing even faster. “Let’s get you out of these, then,” Stiles says and starts popping the button on Derek’s pants.

Stiles pushes them down Derek’s legs, and then he kneels to help get them the rest of the way. Derek uses Stiles’ shoulder for support as he lifts one leg, and then the other, and before he knows it Stiles is standing up in front of him and they are both in boxers. The gentleness is making him feel so cared for. Making sure that he is keeping eye contact with Stiles he gets on the bed and lies down.

Stiles is clearly affected. He’s biting his lip and his boxers are bulging. Now that Derek has noticed it he finds it completely distracting. He has a hard time looking away and he feels his mouth flooding with saliva, wanting to taste, wanting to feel its weight and heat on his tongue. 

“Come here,” Derek says and claps the empty space next to him.

Stiles does without hesitation. He leans over Derek, so close, so very close, but not touching yet. Derek is surprised at how focused Stiles is on _him_ and not his body. Stiles has touched him, but his attention has constantly been on Derek. Stiles slowly leans down and Derek can’t help but lean up and meet his lips halfway.

Now that Stiles is here in his bed Derek feels uncontrollable eager. On a conscious level he knows that he is not ready for full on penetrative sex, but he just _wants_ so much that he isn’t sure he would be able to say no if Stiles were to ask. And maybe that is precisely why he can let himself be this eager; he knows that Stiles won’t ask. Stiles won’t ask him to do anything he’s not ready to do. And just being here with him on top of him, with so much skin-on-skin contact is so overwhelming that Derek can feel himself shaking.

“Shh…” Stiles whispers and lowers his body fully onto Derek’s, so that he is covering him, “I’ve got you,” he says and slides his arms under Derek, under his shoulders and pulls Derek into him.

Derek has lost all his strength, lets himself be pulled by Stiles, completely trusting and not afraid of what will come next. He can’t help but moan at the delicious feel of Stiles’ weight on him, and he spreads his legs just a bit, so that Stiles can settle into the position. That makes their dicks come in contact and makes them both gasp. Derek can feel sweat break out all over his body just from the small stimulation that contact gives.

Stiles rolls his hips into Derek’s like he’s testing out the waters and Derek can’t help the moan that escapes him. He throws back his head at the sensation and reveals the column of his throat to Stiles in the progress. He doesn’t even realize what he has done until Stiles buries his head underneath his chin and breathes on his neck. Derek should feel too exposed as a werewolf, and he is surprised at how relaxed he is with Stiles kissing his throat.

Stiles rolls his hips again and his hands start to roam again. He is making these noises that make heat pool in Derek’s lower abdomen really fast, and he just knows it’s going to be over embarrassingly soon.

Stiles’ hand glides down Derek’s body and as he reaches Derek’s ass he starts kneading the muscles there. He makes an appreciative noise and Derek almost feels like it’s too much. He is surrounded by Stiles; his smell, his hands, his body, and the sensations are so _much_ he doesn’t quite know how to handle it.

He grabs onto Stiles’ back, just lets his hands lie there and allows himself to feel Stiles’ muscles moving and how warm his skin is. Stiles smells fantastic; like sex and want and a little bit like Derek already.

Stiles makes another delicious roll of his hips that really grinds their dicks together and Derek has to say, “I’m close,” and kind of feels like  a virgin all over, on the brink of coming in his boxers just because he is being touched for the first time.

Stiles makes this whimpering sound and leaves Derek’s neck to look at him. He must somehow like what he sees, even though Derek feels wrung out and desperate, because he leans down to kiss Derek. The shift in weight that movement causes makes Derek dick rub against Stiles hard and that’s it for Derek. He comes with Stiles kissing his lips, swallowing the desperate sounds he is making.

First there is only the post-orgasmic bliss. It doesn’t last long before an overwhelming feeling of mortification hits Derek. He cannot believe that he came so soon. He feels betrayed by his body, and is sure that it must be such a turn-off for Stiles.

But as he opens his eyes, ready to apologize, readying himself for the cold feeling of Stiles rolling off of him, he looks up into eyes that look at him with dilated pupils and a fondness that Derek doesn’t understand.

“Shit, that was hot!” Stiles says and makes a minute movement with his hips, like he totally wants to grind, but waits for Derek to give the okay.

Derek lets go and follows his first instinct; let’s his hands slide down Stiles’ body to grab his ass, completely not-surprised by how perfect the cheeks fits in his hands, and reaches up to kiss Stiles. It’s not a light kiss, it’s full on dirty and messy and his tongue finds Stiles’ right away. Stiles makes a pleased, surprised sound and really starts grinding down on Derek. Derek has never been over-sensitive after coming, so he enjoys the feeling of Stiles’ hard dick against him. Derek bravely slides his hands under Stiles’ boxers and the feeling of Stiles’ skin is unbelievable.

Derek is still panting, still so fucking turned on, that he’s almost surprised that his dick isn’t hard again. And as he gently slides a finger over the rim of Stiles’ hole, Stiles comes with a sound that makes Derek wish he could come again. It’s so fucking hot and he’s overwhelmed with the desire that Stiles would have painted him with his come, to the point where Derek would be _drenched_ in it and in Stiles’ smell.

Stiles collapses on top of him, boneless and breathing hard. His breath damps Derek’s neck, a delicious tickle that makes goosebumps break out. Derek gives in to temptation and slides his hands up and down Stiles’ back, just caressing him, enjoying the feel of skin-to-skin contact.

“How are you feeling?” is the first thing Stiles says. He’s not moving, still completely relaxed. Derek enjoys the weight of Stiles on top of him too much to move.

“Like I can’t believe I came that fast,” Derek says and tries not to tense up in embarrassment.

Stiles snorts, “Me too, but I have been hard all day thinking about you, so I guess it’s not too surprising.” Stiles’ hands slides up to caress Derek’s biceps.

Derek smiles and feels encouraged to say, “I feel good. _Really_ good.” And he really does. His toes are still tingling from the orgasm and he feels so clear headed.

There is a moment of peace between them. They are touching each other, quiet caresses, just keeping contact. Stiles still lies on top of Derek, with his head on Derek’s shoulder. Derek can’t help but enjoy how steady his heart rate sounds.

“You are so beautiful,” Stiles says with his eyes closed.

“You’re not even looking.”

Derek can feel Stiles’ lips on his shoulder, can just make out how his eyes are still closed from the corner of his eye.

“Yes I am,” Stiles says and leans his head up as he opens his eyes to look at Derek with this small private smile that Derek has never seen before. That’s there for him, _because_ of him. Derek just has to kiss Stiles. He _has_ to.

“I’m so happy you’re here,” is what Derek says when they finally stop kissing.

Stiles makes a sound of agreement, but then rolls off Derek and gets out of the bed.

Derek lies on the bed with a sinking feeling in his gut as Stiles starts to get dressed. He’s almost done, just putting on his shirt again when he looks at Derek.

“Come on, get dressed,” he says and gestures at Derek.

Derek is confused, but gets out of bed reluctantly anyway. He was kind of hoping for a do-over before they left the bed.

Stiles must sense his hesitation, because he closes the distance between them fast, runs his hands over Derek’s shoulders and says, “Now I just really want to take you out to dinner.”

Derek looks at him through his lashes and releases the tension in his shoulders as he realizes that Stiles isn’t leaving.

“I told you Derek, that I want to do this right. So get dressed,” he says, and smiles a smile that is so bright Derek almost feels incapacitated by it.

Derek hurries through dressing, suddenly eager again just to be with Stiles. And his heart can’t help but beat faster as Stiles takes his hand and they leave the loft together.

___

The dinner is great. Stiles takes Derek out to this small diner, and they both order burgers. The conversation is flowing easily and Stiles keep touching him in some way, either with his hands, or with his feet under the table.

Derek flushes when he notices the beginning of a hickey on Stiles’ collarbone, just barely noticeable, but it settles something in Derek he can’t help but be a little embarrassed about. It’s a bit early to be feeling so possessive.

“What did you tell your dad?” Derek wonders.

“I just told him the truth; that I was going on a date with you.”

“Just like that?” Derek is surprised by Stiles’ honesty.

“Yeah, was it supposed to be a secret? I don’t really like having secrets from my dad anymore, especially you,” he says and looks at Derek wide-eyed.

Derek is quick to shake his head, “No!” he says a bit too abrupt. He lowers his voice to say, “I don’t really want to be your secret, either.”

Stiles smiles that private smile again, the one that has Derek’s heart palpitating, and takes Derek’s hand.

______

A couple of hours later, Stiles is dropping Derek off at the loft. He suddenly looks awkward and like he doesn’t know how to say goodbye, so Derek puts his hands on Stiles’ waist and pulls him in.

“Don’t go,” Derek says and kisses the corner of Stiles’ mouth.

“Shit, okay,” Stiles says and already sounds a bit out of breath.

In an act of bravery, Derek takes Stiles’ hand and pulls him up the stairs to his loft.

Once there, Derek is vibrating with need. He wants to be naked with Stiles, he wants Stiles’ hands on him, he wants to taste him, smell him. He just _wants_ so much, he doesn’t quite know where to start. But his need to touch and be touched is forcing him to act. He steps into Stiles and kisses him. Stiles grunts in surprise but starts kissing back immediately, and then Derek focuses on getting Stiles naked. He’s stripping off Stiles’ clothes so fast that he hears the seams rip a bit and then when Stiles is finally gloriously naked he can’t help but fall to his knees.

He doesn’t pause, too afraid that his insecurities might take over if he does, instead he just buries his head in Stiles’ groin, almost purring with how intense the smell of Stiles is here and the tickling feeling of the coarse hair on his face. He’s trusting Stiles to stop him if he oversteps any line, so he doesn’t ask for permission, he just lets himself explore.

He sits back a bit to really look at Stiles’ dick. It’s glorious; long and slightly curved to the right and so, so hard Derek can almost see it throbbing in time with Stiles’ heartbeat. He leans forward again and as he gets closer to Stiles’ dick he can almost taste it. He can’t help but lick the tip, just a small lick, and as the taste of precum erupts on his taste buds, he loses all inhibitions and tries to swallow it all down in one go. He can feel himself choking, and pulls off just enough to breathe. He realizes that he’s shaking, but he doesn’t want to stop, just wants it in his mouth, on his tongue, even possibly in his throat.

Stiles has his fingers buried in Derek’s hair, and Derek knows Stiles is talking but he’s so filled with the feeling of being able to finally suck Stiles’ dick that he can’t listen. All he can hear is the roaring sound of the blood in his ears. He has to close his eyes, and focus on slowing down. His hand grabs onto Stiles’ dick, keeping it steady for him to bob on. His other hand is pressing down on his own dick, which is throbbing and so hard it’s uncomfortable to keep it in his pants. But he doesn’t want to stop to open up his pants, so he just lets his hand press on it to relieve it to some degree.

To say that Derek enjoys sucking dick would be an understatement. He’s moaning like a pornstar, and as Stiles tightens the grip his fingers has on his hair to the point where it becomes painful, Derek is so close to coming he has to increase the pressure of his hand to stave off his orgasm.

The taste of precum changes just slightly, making Derek increasing his suction. Stiles is actively trying to pull Derek off and reluctantly Derek lets go to look up at Stiles. He continues to work the shaft with his hand, and the sight of Stiles all disheveled and flushed and _panting_ just fills Derek with pride.

“I’m so close, Derek,” Stiles says and is clearly offering Derek an out.

Derek hums appreciatively and can’t help but say, “I can’t wait to taste you,” before he leans back in to suck down Stiles’ dick.

Stiles buries his fingers in his hair again, even rougher this time, and makes a high pitched sound that makes Derek smile as much as he can. He can feel Stiles’ dick throbbing in his mouth and then suddenly his mouth explodes with the taste of Stiles’ come. He sucks and sucks, and tries to swallow it all down, so incredibly turned on he’s surprised he manages not to come in his pants yet. He pulls off just a tad so the last ropes of it can paint his neck and chin. He gives into instinct and starts rubbing it in, finishing up with licking his fingers.

He is so absorbed by this he doesn’t realize Stiles is staring, until Stiles knocks him over so Derek lands flat on his ass. Derek blinks in surprise, but then Stiles is kneeling down on his thighs and is struggling to get Derek’s pants open so he can pull out his dick.

“Let me see, just, let me…” he’s muttering to himself, clearly not aimed at Derek and then he closes his hand around Derek and Derek has to lean back and close his eyes, he’s so overtaken with the feeling. Stiles leans forward and puts his weight on the other hand on Derek’s chest, and Derek didn’t know how good it could feel to be pinned down like that, how could he not know? Stiles twists his hand and keeps muttering Derek and fuck and look at you like it’s simply impossible to look at Derek and not talk. Derek let’s himself be overwhelmed by the overflow of sensations; from the smell of Stiles, the taste of Stiles’ come, the feeling of Stiles’ hand on his dick, to the things Stiles is saying, that he just lets go.

His orgasm hits him hard and is so powerful, every muscle in his body tightens up and he’s seeing white behind his eyelids. While he’s still coming Stiles moves his hand, places it besides Derek’s head so he can lean over Derek and peck his lips, his cheeks, his forehead. Derek _feels_ too much; feels loved, and satiated and so god damn good, that he can’t help but tear up. He opens his eyes to look at Stiles and as he does he can feel the first tears running down his cheeks into his ears.

Stiles just smiles at him and kisses the tears still running.

“You did so good, Derek. You made me feel so good,” Stiles says directly into Derek’s ear.

Derek has to close his eyes again and grab hold of Stiles to pull him down on him, to somehow ground him. He’s not ashamed of his tears, can see that Stiles understands. Stiles lets himself be pulled, finds a place on top of Derek even though it can’t be comfortable for him with Derek still almost fully clothed. Stiles puts his arms around Derek, careless of the come his hand is still covered in and just holds Derek while Derek silently cries.

____

Later they move to Derek’s bed. They are both naked, just cuddling and lying together.

Derek feels so comfortable he can’t help but admit, “You know, this isn’t how I thought it would be,” he says, and breaks to collect his thoughts, “It’s not how I thought you would be,” he continues.

Stiles raises his eyebrows to let Derek know to continue.

“Whenever I really thought about it, I always imagined it was you who were going to be the eager one.”

Derek lifts his head to look at Stiles. He drinks him in, the sight of him, his gentle huff and smirk.

“So you’ve really thought about this? About us?”

Derek doesn’t even hesitate before the yes leaves his mouth. And that seems to make Stiles shy, as his cheeks light up and he looks down. But his following smile is breathtaking and Derek doesn’t even know what to do with himself, how to contain all the things he’s feeling. Instead he simply leans down and kisses Stiles. Even though they are both smiling, making the kiss difficult, it’s one of the best kisses of Derek’s life.

They fall asleep like that, all tangled up in each other. Safe in the company of each other and the knowledge that this is just the beginning.     

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It feels so good to finally have this out there. It has been a joy to write, I can't begin to tell you how much I like the Derek-healing-trope. :)  
> I hope you all enjoyed my contribution. Even though this is done, I don't think I'm quite done with this verse, so there might be more added on along the lines. I have a few smutty ideas that didn't make it into this story that just might have to be put on paper. :)
> 
> Thanks for reading! :D


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